He's the right age for you; it's him you should be fancying." Did you fancy me, just now?" I seized upon his phrase and met his eyes at last. I saw something in them that gave me courage."Do you think that’s a fair question to ask?" he parried, turning away."Were you at all inclined to join me?" Fiona..." A faltering protest."Would you have wanted to?" I persisted."Of course not." His jaw set. "It wouldn't have been appropriate."Emboldened, "I don't believe you. Did seeing me like that turn you on?" Fiona, please." Then did it at least make you happy?" I bolted into full confession mode. "You might as well know that I've touched myself lots of times just like that," I pointed toward the pool, "thinking about you, wanting you. How does that make you feel?" That’s enough.” He whirled in my direction, biting off words. “You want the truth? Shocked, that I’m hearing this from anyone, let alone from you.”Oddly I found the more agitated he became, the easier it was for me to remain calm.. As convenient as these moments can be they are not precious to me. In fact a new body and life only helps to hammer in more deeply the biggest pain life gives you. In life it is very, very hard to be who you are, society tries to shape you into whom it wants you to be instead. Society says that men don?t cry and that ladies shouldn?t raise their voice. Society tries to stomp out our emotions and kill who we really are. After being changed it is worse, much worse. You see after being changed you stay who you are in your mind. Twenty something years of personal history is very hard to throw away over night. There is no magic to wearing girl's clothes, or to sex, or to hormones. Heck, ask any scientist, hormones may amplify emotions but they do not create them or control them. With time you do adapt to the change, but adaptation does not mean you love it. You keep your old mind but have to act like someone else to survive. It makes the oppression of day to day life much worse. I step.
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